Mexican Food is the American way! Castillo Grande in Lorain

Mexican food in Lorain. NO WAY.  Located very close to Lorain's Lakview Beach, is a castle-type building called Castillo Grande, which means "Mexican Rock N' Roll" in English.  The building is awesome, the food is delicious, the lakefront patio is easy on the eyes.  We always go for the coldest type of Mexican dish, the BRRRRR-ito.

Bob's Review-o

I've traveled afar, very afar, and for many days having some of the best authentic Mexican dishes.   I've been to Chi-Chis, Taco Bell, Cap'n Taco, and Don Tequilas. I am very well-versed in authentic Mexican cuisine.  I like my Mexican food done the American way.  And Castillo Grande has some of the best I've ever had.  The salsa and chips were made right there.  The food was not your typical American style Mexican dishes.  Everything was a little better than expected.  I had the Mexicano Burrito.  What does a Nosey pepper do? Get "jalepeno" business. The burrito blew away anything Taco Bell or Chipotle ever offered.  It was a giant tortilla sleeping bag stuffed with chicken, beef, rice, beans and I don't know what else. You can taste that the 3 sauces were made there and they were fresh. Mexicans can be athletic, and when two Mexicans play basketball, they call it Juan on Juan.  I give this burrito a fantastico 9 out of 10 flying dragons.

Mexicano Burrito

Zeke's Review-o

The Mexican flag of a burrito I received from the burrito cartel's carrier pigeon today was equal parts filling as it was deliciou.  Normally, when leaving a monstor burrito in my belly, I feel full and exhausted.  However, the burrito I received from Castillo Grande today, tasted amazing and leaves me feeling ready to go shoot some zombies in a video gameo.  The burrito with melted  queso, verde, and ranchero sauces on it has 3

unique forms of savory amongst it.  The highlight of this is the verde sauce.  The fresh cooked chicken and beef are both delicious as well.  I give this burrito 9 out of 10 bordercrossing drugbusts.

"You can definitely trust us"

<3 Mexican :) <3 

Real Jumping Bean

'Merica:  We want your food, not your people.

Lorenzo's Pizzeria Average pizza at an above average price

     If you love paying too much for your food, Lorenzo's Pizzeria in Oberlin, Ohio is the place for you! I've eaten there before with my family and it was decent but we didn't have the pizza. With a name like Lorenzo's Pizzeria,  if you guessed they would have good pizza, you would be wrong. Super wrong.

     To add to our pizza eating experience, Lorenzo's messed up our order and a gentleman was very rude to a member of my family.  If you want to hook your family up with some good food, go somewhere else.

Bob's Review:
     Pizza jokes are cheesy.  To celebrate the 3rd of July, Zeke gave me a piggy-back ride to Oberlin.  Little Bob and I walked in the pizzeria to pick up our pizza pies.  There was a bell you could ring for service.     Man, I love to push buttons and ring bells.  So does my son.  Bobby rang it a couple times and a gentleman walked up and snatched the bell out of the window and rudely stated, "You are making me revoke this bell!" I felt like the teacher caught us having fun and yelled at us.  I told Bobby that the pizza nazi must be having a bad day.  We got our pizza, which they messed up, and we went to see the fireworks in Oberlin.
     Lorenzo's cheese is rubbery.  The sauce was bland and tasted like Ragu.  The crust was terrible.  It reminded me a lot of Little Caesars.  I think it's the worst pizza I've ever had and the most I ever paid for a pizza. It tasted like regret.  

I asked my Mother what she rated it and she said 6 out of 10 flying dragons.
Bobby said, " At first I didn't like it, then it got better. 6.5 out of 10 flying dragons."
I give it 5 out of 10 flying dragons.  Pizza is suppose to be good.  The only time I would call this pizza good would be if I lived in Opposite Land.

Zeke's Review:

I would give Lorenzo's pizza a 5/10 pepperoni slices.  It's halfway to a full pepperoni.  Riding our heelies there, was more enjoyable than the waiter's customer service and the flying saucer pizza can just do better.

The replacement pizza
for their mistake

There is only one place to get pizza like this, The Hell-Hole Store.

I'll also name some places where I know you can get better pizza:
1. Everywhere

Dana Fitzpatrick

My whole life was going great until I ate at Lorenzo's pizza.  Now look what is happening.

Smitty burger VS. Oh Boy burger with a Celebrity Guest Appearance

     Noah brought 2 burgers over on the ark with him: The Smitty burger and the Oh Boy burger.  Everyone in Elyria has their favorite, so I teamed up with celebrity Vinny Mack Attack, and his facebook fiance, Kaila Marie to get to the bottom of this.  Warning: you may be offended by the results.  We went into this unbiased and open minded.  We didn't sugarcoat anything. There was one clear winner.

     Both burgers are a staple of the community.  Smitty's Place has been in Elyria over 75 years. Midway Oh Boy has been in Elyria over 60 years.  President Obama had a Smitty burger and Senator John McCain had an Oh Boy burger.  Both burgers have the same set up: 3 pieces of bread, 2 patties, 1 slice of cheese, lettuce and a special sauce.

Photos taken 5/1/14

     We roller-bladed to Smitty's place first, and ordered 3 Smitty burgers.  The Smitty burger seems to be the more popular burger so we indulged and stated our opinions.  Vinny mentioned, "With all the hype, I would expect more out of this than the Big Mac."  Kaila smashed her burger and voiced that she "Would like it better after consuming more beers."  We all discussed a slight disappointment and that we could only taste lettuce and sauce.  The legendary burger that we heard all about only had two tones: lettuce and sauce.  It was all hype and no show.

                 VMA gave it 5 out of 10 Flying Dragons      

Kaila Marie gave it 6 out of 10 Flying Dragons

                    I gave it 5 out of 10 Flying Dragons 

Smitty burger TOTAL AVERAGE   5.6

     After hitchhiking across town to Midway Oh Boy Restaurant, we ordered 3 Oh Boy burgers  If we ordered 1 more we would have had 4.  But we didn't.  Oh boy were they good!  Kaila said her teeth hurt so Vinny chewed the entire burger for her and put it in a cup so she could drink it. Chivalry is not dead. "It's a more well rounded burger" she said.  Then, Vinny observed that there was "More freshness to it".  I thought the burger itself tasted better, along with the bun, lettuce and sauce.  

          VMA gave it 8 out of 10 Flying Dragons

Kaila Marie gave it 7 out of 10 Flying Dragons 

                  I gave it 7 out of 10 Flying Dragons

Midway Oh Boy Burger TOTAL AVERAGE   7.3

     We have a clear victor!  Although Kaila said Smitty's has a better sauce, Vinny and I prefered the Oh Boy sauce.  But all 3 of us concluded a higher score for the Midway Oh Boy Burger.  Congrats to Midway Oh Boy burger!

Celebrity Guest Vinny Mack Attack's Bio and Credentials:

   Food Guru and Jesus look-alike, Vinny Mack Attack, was born during World War II, in a constipation camp in Nazi Germany, where they tested his cooking on prisoners who couldn't go potty.  He studied Culinary Arts at JVS. He knows all the words to a song.  He kidnapped a midget once.  He has been eating food for most of his life, which is why he was chosen for this burger battle.  

Celebrity Guest Kaila Marie's Bio and Credentials:

   Kaila was the first woman to break the gender barrier and ride a unicycle.  Without her, unicycling would still be considered a 'man's sport'.  She has chameleon hair, which changes colors based on how she feels. Her eyeglasses are actually made out of coke bottles.  She invented standing in line, and she actively fights for equal rights for left handed people.  Those unique attributes made her a perfect fit for Shart Attack's food review.

   

Basil's Grill and Tavern

     The first recorded taco party was in 1520.  I wasn't there, but I did take a trip to tacoland today.
     Good food is worth traveling for.  So today, Zeke and I went the extra mile.  Well, according to Google Maps, we went 2 miles.  Destination: Elyria's own Basil's Grill and Tavern to check out the 3 tacos for a $1.  We ordered 15 tacos and a pitcher of Pepsi because that's the cheapest route.  In order to receive the 3 tacos for $1, you have to purchase a drink along with the tacos.

   

6 of the 15 tacos 

     15 hard shells, filled with a decent portion of seasoned ground beef, shredded cheese, fresh lettuce, a few tomatoes and optional jalapenos later, we were both satisfied.  Basil's supplied us with large squirt bottles of taco sauce and sour cream to customize our tacos.  All together, the meal was... GOOD.  It definitely surpasses the over popular taco chain that made sharting so popular in the first place.   

     With a total bill of 11 dollars and some change, I felt great after stuffing my facehole with the Mexican inspired dish.  A 2 mile bike ride home and I didn't have a sore stomach, feel over-stuffed, or have the urge to vomit.  I felt quite nice actually.  We highly recommend stopping in at Basil's on Mondays for the taco special.

The total experience gets 6 out of 10 Flying Dragons.

Here is a picture of a micro pig!