Eating Pizza Oven is a Pivotal Moment in your Life

    There are 8 Pizza Oven locations around the Canton, Oh area.  Go to all 8 in one day and complete the Pizza Octathon!  Zeke and I completed the Octathon.  There is a deal down there in Canton, you can trade money (like dollar bills and stuff) for their pizza.  This is a daily thing.  It like ripping them off, because their pizza is worth way more than money.  I believe this deal, trading money for pizza, is available to the public as well.
 Bob's Review
     We all must face death some day.  We cannot avoid it.  As our life dwindles away and our saggy skin starts to tear, retrospectively, we will look at our lives.  Ideas will flow through our heads. "I spent too much time at the office." "I should have spent more time with my family."  "I should have had more Pizza Oven."   Then, the realization that Pizza Oven is better than your career or your family sets in...   And you'll have to ask yourself one day, "Did I have enough Pizza Oven in my life?   

     The time your kids were born. The day you got married.  Graduation Day.  Your first kiss.  The second time you got married.
     All these landmarks in your life will slowly take the backseat to the first time you had Pizza Oven.


Pizza Oven gets a perfect score.  10 out of 10 flying dragons.  If you disagree, you're a stupid piece of shit.  

Zeke's Review
Tonight the favor of the gods shown on me as I got to eat some Pizza Oven pizza. When presented with 2 slices of sausage pizza and pepporoni pizza the first thing one notices is how much sausage is on this. One would call this a sausage fest in your mouth! Even better than the amount of meat you get to place in your mouth, is that it all tastes great. The sausage overpowers some of the sauce flavoring, however I think that works for the better. I give Pizza Oven's Sausage pizza my first perfect score : 10/10 glow in the dark raves. And the pepperoni, while one of the best pizzas I have ever tasted does not quite live up to the sausage it receives a 8/10.

This could never go wrong!

win.

Oh, Is that what you sell? Smh

I hope that's made out of a real pizza.

Rotuno's Texas Style Barbeque

     Bob's Review
In the old Value City building on the South side of Elyria, sits the closest thing to real barbecue around. A quaint place, built around the food, not the scenery.  Rotuno's BBQ has their own custom smoker to make southern-style, top-quality meats.

     I don't usually go for the pork anywhere, mainly because pigs eat their own poop from time to time, but Ezekiel sat in a stroller and I wheeled him down Oberlin Ave. to order some of Rotuno's pulled pork sandwiches for $6.99.  The pork was tender and delicious, the juices were sealed in perfectly,  and Zeke asked me to go to prom with him.
I give this pulled pork sandwich 8 out of 10 Flying Dragons.
 
     Zeke's Review
We were two sheets of aluminum foil away from having UFO hats.
I give this pulled pork sandwich 8 out of 10 Flying Dragons.

Rotuno's Pulled Pork Sandwich  6.99

     

Auntie Anne's Pretzel Dogs and some Terrible Celebrity Jokes

     Bob's Review
     There was a dozen people ahead of us.  When the mall is busy, you'll have to wait in line at Auntie Anne's.  Fellow Fast Foodie Zeke Miller and I rode our hoverboards into Great Northern Mall for some Pretzel dogs.  Wieners in pretzels. Not in buns.
     Eating wieners leads to tons of childish puns that would be too easy to rattle off, so I have only one pun:   My guess is, Daniel Tosh loves hotdogs. You don't have to unzip a zipper to eat this hotdog Mr. Tosh, it comes in a pretzel.
   WOWZERS! These things are delicious.  They are far better than I could have imagined.
I give these preverted pretzels 9 out of 10 American Flags!
Kudos Auntie Anne's. On October 18, 2011 when lions, black bears, tigers, wolves, and other exotic animals were set free in Zanesville, Oh, Auntie Anne's donated 100 Pretzels to the 18 dead bengal tigers.  :) It's the little things like that, that make the world go 'round.

Teddy Roosevelt said " Baby, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand."

     Zeke's Review
     Upon being surprised with a hotdog wrapped in a pretzel from fellow Shart Attack reviewer Bob, I decided it is time to write my first review. It's the pretzel dog that Bob watched me eat every bite of...
     When eating hot dogs, one never has high expectations in taste, however we always expect the same puns that eating a banana ensues.  I'll avoid those, aside from saying Ellen Degeneres definitely does not like hot dogs.  Daniel Tosh does.  The pretzel dog exceeds all expectations that I had.  It rivals the deliciousness of a ball park frank without the price of a tribe ticket.  It tastes very salty and the pretzel bread protects the hotdog, so there is no need to put a condiment on.
    As great as this tastes, it is still just a salty hot dog.  I give this 4 out of 10 Time Machines.  It's like HIV bad, but it wont quite kill you.










Now... Here are some funny pork and hotdog pictures!

Gangster dog

George Washington cut down a hot dog tree

contemporary art dog

Nothing fishy about how this wiener stand

Creative hotdog holder

Evolution

Pigston Churchill

Piggy that went to the market

The illusive pigfish 

pork chop

Hotdog's main ingredient

Nitrite additives in hotdogs form carcinogens.
Three different studies have come out in the past year, finding that the consumption of hot dogs can be a risk factor for childhood cancer.Petition to ban nitrites  http://www.preventcancer.com/patients/children/hotdogs.htm

Smitty burger VS. Oh Boy burger with a Celebrity Guest Appearance

     Noah brought 2 burgers over on the ark with him: The Smitty burger and the Oh Boy burger.  Everyone in Elyria has their favorite, so I teamed up with celebrity Vinny Mack Attack, and his facebook fiance, Kaila Marie to get to the bottom of this.  Warning: you may be offended by the results.  We went into this unbiased and open minded.  We didn't sugarcoat anything. There was one clear winner.

     Both burgers are a staple of the community.  Smitty's Place has been in Elyria over 75 years. Midway Oh Boy has been in Elyria over 60 years.  President Obama had a Smitty burger and Senator John McCain had an Oh Boy burger.  Both burgers have the same set up: 3 pieces of bread, 2 patties, 1 slice of cheese, lettuce and a special sauce.

Photos taken 5/1/14

     We roller-bladed to Smitty's place first, and ordered 3 Smitty burgers.  The Smitty burger seems to be the more popular burger so we indulged and stated our opinions.  Vinny mentioned, "With all the hype, I would expect more out of this than the Big Mac."  Kaila smashed her burger and voiced that she "Would like it better after consuming more beers."  We all discussed a slight disappointment and that we could only taste lettuce and sauce.  The legendary burger that we heard all about only had two tones: lettuce and sauce.  It was all hype and no show.

                 VMA gave it 5 out of 10 Flying Dragons      

Kaila Marie gave it 6 out of 10 Flying Dragons

                    I gave it 5 out of 10 Flying Dragons 

Smitty burger TOTAL AVERAGE   5.6

     After hitchhiking across town to Midway Oh Boy Restaurant, we ordered 3 Oh Boy burgers  If we ordered 1 more we would have had 4.  But we didn't.  Oh boy were they good!  Kaila said her teeth hurt so Vinny chewed the entire burger for her and put it in a cup so she could drink it. Chivalry is not dead. "It's a more well rounded burger" she said.  Then, Vinny observed that there was "More freshness to it".  I thought the burger itself tasted better, along with the bun, lettuce and sauce.  

          VMA gave it 8 out of 10 Flying Dragons

Kaila Marie gave it 7 out of 10 Flying Dragons 

                  I gave it 7 out of 10 Flying Dragons

Midway Oh Boy Burger TOTAL AVERAGE   7.3

     We have a clear victor!  Although Kaila said Smitty's has a better sauce, Vinny and I prefered the Oh Boy sauce.  But all 3 of us concluded a higher score for the Midway Oh Boy Burger.  Congrats to Midway Oh Boy burger!

Celebrity Guest Vinny Mack Attack's Bio and Credentials:

   Food Guru and Jesus look-alike, Vinny Mack Attack, was born during World War II, in a constipation camp in Nazi Germany, where they tested his cooking on prisoners who couldn't go potty.  He studied Culinary Arts at JVS. He knows all the words to a song.  He kidnapped a midget once.  He has been eating food for most of his life, which is why he was chosen for this burger battle.  

Celebrity Guest Kaila Marie's Bio and Credentials:

   Kaila was the first woman to break the gender barrier and ride a unicycle.  Without her, unicycling would still be considered a 'man's sport'.  She has chameleon hair, which changes colors based on how she feels. Her eyeglasses are actually made out of coke bottles.  She invented standing in line, and she actively fights for equal rights for left handed people.  Those unique attributes made her a perfect fit for Shart Attack's food review.

   

Basil's Grill and Tavern

     The first recorded taco party was in 1520.  I wasn't there, but I did take a trip to tacoland today.
     Good food is worth traveling for.  So today, Zeke and I went the extra mile.  Well, according to Google Maps, we went 2 miles.  Destination: Elyria's own Basil's Grill and Tavern to check out the 3 tacos for a $1.  We ordered 15 tacos and a pitcher of Pepsi because that's the cheapest route.  In order to receive the 3 tacos for $1, you have to purchase a drink along with the tacos.

   

6 of the 15 tacos 

     15 hard shells, filled with a decent portion of seasoned ground beef, shredded cheese, fresh lettuce, a few tomatoes and optional jalapenos later, we were both satisfied.  Basil's supplied us with large squirt bottles of taco sauce and sour cream to customize our tacos.  All together, the meal was... GOOD.  It definitely surpasses the over popular taco chain that made sharting so popular in the first place.   

     With a total bill of 11 dollars and some change, I felt great after stuffing my facehole with the Mexican inspired dish.  A 2 mile bike ride home and I didn't have a sore stomach, feel over-stuffed, or have the urge to vomit.  I felt quite nice actually.  We highly recommend stopping in at Basil's on Mondays for the taco special.

The total experience gets 6 out of 10 Flying Dragons.

Here is a picture of a micro pig!